It's not that fear is not needed. That's not what being fearless is about. It is about the desire to continue on beyond the fear, beyond the reservations, beyond the "what ifs" and pursue a life you really love. Solitude has become a best friend of mine. It is from these silent visitations with myself that I discover what I am missing, what I am forgetting, what I yearn to do and become. Nothing in this life is perfect. There is no perfect love, no perfect career, no perfect desire, no perfect path in life. Rather life is composed of stumbles, pick ups, push ons, give ups, confusion, reassesment, companionship, learning, and passion. We can not neglect one part of life. Least we fall off our unbeaten paths into something called "routine". Routine is not horrible, but it is not perfect. It is the anti-innovation, the anti-happiness, the anti-discovery. In my solitude, that I slowly coming to enjoy and love, I find the answers were never clear. They were never written out in stone. Rather they are long drawn expectations of my past self and what drives me. The answer to "what should I do with my life?" is invisible. It is embedding in memory and driven by unmistakable passion.
My mother, a wonderful women, sat me down recently and said "Don't get into too much debt. It will force you to work. Force you to take what you can. You didn't go to college to settle." Although her issue was with debt. It helpped me refocus. It helpped me realize that I had fogotten my dreams of success and started focusing my dreams on lake front properties and cars. I had forgotten that by simply following my dreams I can have all this in tenfold if I were to just remain fearless.
If I were to just acknowledge my fears and keep pushing. I stopped pursuing International Relations right after I discovered the jobs were far and few inbetween. I stopped applying from fear of rejection and went with what I thought I could do, rather then what I wanted. Now sitting here, typing this long letter to my blog and to myself. I realize the first step in success is just doing.
Why not take the time and the plug to actively pursue my dreams and passions. They only thing that has stopped me thusfar is myself and the only thing that will keep me going is myself. If you want something bad enough, are fearless enough to pursue it, then it will happen. It will happen. But it will take fearless amounts of work and determination. But if life is not valued enough to put in the work for what you want; then what is life?
