Love arosed from Expectations

You are as much of a reality to me
As a dream, an expectation
I’ve wrapped you into my future
Created emotions around my thoughts
Filled you into a mold of possibilities
And relaxed you into my vision
You are as much of a reality to me
As in the instants when I feel your breath
Tingle words down my spine
I have composed a whole life with you
And stopped my heart from beating freely
But in this real moment
I live with you
And only you
Fighting against my expectations
I read a doomed future into our lives
Completed by what-ifs and selfish desires
But you are real
As real as it gets and my heart falls for you
As much as my mind creates a perfect picture

It's best to go

He loved me for no reason at all
as he opened up to the horrors of his past
filled with misfortune and self-defeating prophesies
Complete LifeTime movie dramas of deceit
and I laid there
eyes wide open with a certain horror
overtaking me as if his past could emulate the direct result of our future
taking on his past lovers' shame
I remained; diligently listening
running my fingers down his chest
and it came to me
selfishly
that it is best to go

I feel like I am being seen

I feel like I am being seen
So clearly by you
You echo the thoughts that once filled my mind
You are seeing right through me
To the atomic strings of truth that make music in your heart
And you understand the glorious gift of me to you
And the smell of my neck
Scented deep into your wounds
You understand me
For what I am
And love me
For no reason at all

Eyes

Do you have eyes to see?
To see right through expectations
Objects of desire and dreamed
But see deeply into a soul
To love unconditionally
To see the bad tides, good tides, lovely tides
And be infatuated with truth
Do you have eyes to see the genuine blessing
Of another’s company?
And the true worth of the pupils behind the eyes
To see
What you have in front of you
The vibration of another’s soul

An intimate moment

What if
While laying next to you
On grassy hills near creeks
And sounds of birds above
I find myself lost in a moment
Transcending time and space
My whole heart, body, and soul
Consumed by intuition
And between breaths of air
Tunnel vision leads to you
And I smile
Looking into your marvelous green eyes
Blushing
Your hands embracing my chin
What if in that moment
I lose myself
In the power of uncertainly
And the strength of risk
Hearing and feeling the whisper of the winds
Laying next to you
What if in that moment
We are consumed
With ideas of life together
And we feel so strong
Strong enough to obey whatever this is we feel
What if life was all meant for just that moment
When I find your soul speaking to mine
What would we do after?
After something so strong
It poetically melts into our minds
I am so afraid
Boxed away cowardly
But do you think
If this moment comes
After years of anticipation
Do you think we can handle it?
Purely, honestly, kindly
Do you think we will be brave?
Answer the call
Of uncertainty?

Fearless

It's not that fear is not needed. That's not what being fearless is about. It is about the desire to continue on beyond the fear, beyond the reservations, beyond the "what ifs" and pursue a life you really love. Solitude has become a best friend of mine. It is from these silent visitations with myself that I discover what I am missing, what I am forgetting, what I yearn to do and become. Nothing in this life is perfect. There is no perfect love, no perfect career, no perfect desire, no perfect path in life. Rather life is composed of stumbles, pick ups, push ons, give ups, confusion, reassesment, companionship, learning, and passion. We can not neglect one part of life. Least we fall off our unbeaten paths into something called "routine". Routine is not horrible, but it is not perfect. It is the anti-innovation, the anti-happiness, the anti-discovery. In my solitude, that I slowly coming to enjoy and love, I find the answers were never clear. They were never written out in stone. Rather they are long drawn expectations of my past self and what drives me. The answer to "what should I do with my life?" is invisible. It is embedding in memory and driven by unmistakable passion.
My mother, a wonderful women, sat me down recently and said "Don't get into too much debt. It will force you to work. Force you to take what you can. You didn't go to college to settle." Although her issue was with debt. It helpped me refocus. It helpped me realize that I had fogotten my dreams of success and started focusing my dreams on lake front properties and cars. I had forgotten that by simply following my dreams I can have all this in tenfold if I were to just remain fearless.
If I were to just acknowledge my fears and keep pushing. I stopped pursuing International Relations right after I discovered the jobs were far and few inbetween. I stopped applying from fear of rejection and went with what I thought I could do, rather then what I wanted. Now sitting here, typing this long letter to my blog and to myself. I realize the first step in success is just doing.
Why not take the time and the plug to actively pursue my dreams and passions. They only thing that has stopped me thusfar is myself and the only thing that will keep me going is myself. If you want something bad enough, are fearless enough to pursue it, then it will happen. It will happen. But it will take fearless amounts of work and determination. But if life is not valued enough to put in the work for what you want; then what is life?