...........................Addicted to Dreams...........................

We are all living in our own worlds
Those who have embraced the breath of travel
We listen to the music that reminds of another time
Fall asleep to the melody of adventure
We see images and people from our past
And fall into their arms
Like addicts in the pathways of life
We selfishly search for that feeling again
It is those of us have experienced travel
Who are shuffling discontented in this modern world
Our time is spent searching for a way out
Passing through the halls and streets
Floating pass life totally detached from the moment
Our icy breaths
Our shaking hands
Our puffs of cigarettes
The stories we tell strangers at bars
Echoes a life once lived in a far away place where we felt truly alive
It is only those of us who have traveled
who can understand what it feels like to be alone
and surrounded by the faces of our hometow family and friends

We are always living in our own world

When Moments Strike

I found myself here...sipping tea at work and watching YouTube videos of inspirational quotes and how one can find their path in life.
Just yesterday...I had taken in the whims of the day and found myself happy and refreshed. Something I have not experienced in awhile.
Then today, as I type the words drink coffee and smoke...I find myself
filled with an empty desire
an impatient desire to find myself where I want to be
as if my lack of answers could lead me closer
I am looking for worldly possessions
Wondering how a car, how a place of my own, how a night class or three could
assist me in my true climb to feeling satisfied
I saw myself in a middle aged lesbian yesterday
While watching the "Kids are Alright"
I saw myself successful, selfish, depressed, and controlling
I let my beer glass fall onto the counter
as I watched with amazement of how much this
middle aged lesbian was me. Who I could become.
Seeing yourself in the mirror you can not help to be shaken
we all carry such high opinions of ourselves
stack ourselves against unrealistic human standards
and desire to rebel against the intuition.
I guess I should get back to work.
sip my green tea and dream of cigs and coffee
somewhere with an ocean view front
on my porch, computer in hand
maybe paintbrush
and content with my selfish moment
in my imagined life.

The coward acts of love

It wasn’t before or after that I felt myself fall. But it was in between. In between everything that sprang from memory and everything the grabbed at my heart in the countless “good times”. I found myself dangling in everything that had brought me to a rash decision and all of my disappointments. My heart entangled itself inside my chest and I puffed air and imagined scenarios. Living in the present moment, I feel almost defeated. That my shameless and adventurous love was unrequited. Unrequited and later abused.
As If I was running in a silly folly, chasing my dreams around the world. To find you there. Waiting for me with flowers in your hands. A kiss on the cheek. A warm and bashful heart. And maybe as confused intentions as mine. But I set the pace by silence, I dwelled in my thoughts on the past and the future. I took for granted the time here and finally I decided I was done.
Mistake of silence? The best decision? After months of thinking and years of dreaming…it became very clear. My cowardice has been met by cowardice and turned into misunderstanding and fear. Everything is personal, everything works against and for me. As we fly through years totally in love, out of love, just love, and find ourselves in this moment…..
I sit down, lips sealed, writing my every confession….as if the wind could carry it to your ears. I felt madly in love with you, more than the love I put on, and as time fades and my heart speaks a little softer, questioning the best decision of silence…my lips part ways.
Whisper half truths, and pray for your understanding. While cowardly I dream of lives with you but not together. I have given up this wild goose chase of love I felt for you. This wild adventure to be with you, to see where my silence and yours could take us. RISK, they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained…but also nothing lost.
Perhaps my greatest regret…would be believing you’d understand.